Who do we fear more?

SO i was talking with a friend the other day when the subject of one of there brothers before he got married was living with his girlfriend. now most of us would not think much of that but to a “Proper” Christian that is a big no no. But it got me thinking. My friends brother was raised Christian. he know what he was doing according to the way the rules where presented where wrong, yet not only did he do it but it was not God’s wrath he was scared of, it was his mothers. He was more worried about his mother finding out then what God would think of him. And that made me think. How often do we commit a sin and get more worried about what our family and friends think then what God does? I was in his shoes once. Shortly after I moved out here Tasha and I had to make a choice of either packing up every thing here and moving to Texas with her family that was moving there for a new Job her father and brother took, or staying behind and making a go of life here. I was at the end( or at least thought i was ) of recovering from my surgery and was about to go back to work the week after her parents where due to move to TX. I first found Tasha a place with the Idea that soon after I would find my own place and we would live the “Proper” Christian lifestyle. well not long after returning to work i was let go for having to many accidents on the fork lift i was driving at the time. It hit me kind of hard cause all I could see at the time was me failing to live up to the proper way of doing things. I did find a job a short while later where not only am I still employed, but also for the most part feel for-filled with. over the past year I have looked into getting a different place to live until our marriage was finalized ( currently less then 6 weeks away now). But every time I started to get things movign in the right direction things fell apart. First there was the slight money miscalculation that set us back a bit and had to pull from savings to cover. then there was a time where because of my fear of failing and trying to be perfect almost broke our relationship up by not only being overly hard on my self but also pushing for the wedding to happen way to soon because I was ashamed to be living with her. Not because I was scared of what God would think, but because I was self conscious about what I thought perople in Church and her family was saying behind my back. after about 5-6 months of this I had a real hart to hart talk with God. I could nto understand why it was that despite the fact I was trying to do things his way and follow the rules that he laid out for us to follow I kept coming up short. it was early morning when this chat took place. I was getting ready for work when I felt this over whelming urge to just scream. I got down on my knees and let out a blood curtailing screem.. I just let out all my frustion and hurt and anger and screamed so loud that I am to this day still in shock that the cops did not come banging on the door guns out thinking there was a murder. I just stayed there for what felt like forever, but was porbly closer to a few minutes, letting the tears stream down my face. I finally got up the nerve to ask God why. Why was I failing when my heart and goals was to do every thing by the book, is book for that matter. Then it hit me, this war senseation like being wraped up in a warm blanket on a cold day. I could feel it all over my body. then a though entered into my head. it was a thought about the time that moses came down from the mountain and found all his people worshiping false gods. I went and picked up the bible and turned to that section of Exodus. After reading for a bit I was totally Confused. I had not perceived my self as worshiping a false god. after all all the rules i was trying to follow where the ones straight from his very book. I sat back and thought about it for a few days until while out side having a smoke it dawned on me. I was following a false God, or should I say I was following the right God falsely. I was doing al the right things for all the wrong reasons. I was not trying to move out because I thought that was what god wanted. I as trying to move out because that is what All of Tasha’s family and friends said was the right thing to do. and While I understood that while we are asked not to even leave the hit of impropriety in our lives, I also realized that in the times we live in you can not walk down a street with out some one thinking some thing false about you. Heck i was accused of being gay once because I hugged a friend that I look to as a brother. does that mean that I I can not show my male friends affection? No of course not. What I now understand that passage to mean is that we are not to give some one the idea that we are doing unholly things but if they think of that idea on there won then what can we do? God is about love and relationships, and how are those things to grow if your always trying to look all proper to every one so they do not get the wrong thought? We can not help what others think of us. If i was to live with Tasha as a roommate and lead people to think that we where dating then I would be presenting a face of impropriety. but for them to assume that we are doing some thing wrogn just because we are living to togather then that I can not help that. The reason that God would nto let me succeed at leaving the apt with Tasha is because he did not want that. He knew that by me leaving that would mean I would have had to get a second job and then I would barley see Tasha, and how can a relationship grow if we are always apart? Yea sure we have had or fights and we are still working on learning how to communicate with each other in a way that works for our styles, but we would never have survived all the trials If we had not been together like we have been. So to all those that say Me and Tasha are wrong I say by what proof?to those that say we are living in Sin I say again prove it. While i could argue over the semantics of what is in the bible and people livign together before marriage that is neither hear nor there. The bigger point is what do you think we are doing while living together? And the bigger question is WHERE do you get this idea from? What have we said or did that led you to think that? if you can not think of any thing then I simply say it is you who taint us with your own thoughts and fears. God knows our hearts and he knows us. He chose the best path for our relationship to bloom in one one most auters only dream about. and who are we to question Gods will for any of us?